Try softer (plus How to Deal with Bashers)🤗

Happy Tuesday 🙂

What made you smile today?

I am smiling as I am writing this.

I recall that momentous day, March 18, 2022, when I finally conquered my fear of the dentist.

I’ve had that fear since I was a child.

Growing up, each trip to the dentist was a family affair.

Papa would drive and Mama had to hold my hand so I’d feel braver.

My siblings were also there for moral support.

When I was already based in Manila for work and I had to go to the dentist, my officemate offered to accompany me.
I arrived at the clinic ahead of her. I was so scared especially since the dentist didn’t smile at me.

So I left.

Last month, two of my dear friends accompanied me to the dentist.
When we were inside the clinic, I was so anxious.

I told myself and them, “I’m sorry, I can’t do it today.” So we left.

But we celebrated the fact that I had the courage to step inside the clinic! Woohoo!

On March 18, I went with my dear friend to her childhood dentist who is also the dentist of her little kids.

While the dentist was tending to my friend’s sister, I played with my friend’s kids.

I was trying to put on a brave face so I won’t influence the kids to fear the dentist.

But the moment I sat on the dental chair, I cried.

Thank God the dentist was extra kind and gentle with me.

My friend sat beside me, and I asked her to hold my hand. (I transformed into a scared little child who needed motherly care to calm me).

Every time I felt some sort of pain while the dentist was tending to my teeth, Dr. Alice would say, “Ooops, Sorry, Sha.”

“Sorry” had never felt so soothing to hear.
I felt heard, understood, and cared for.

That day, I finally conquered my fear of the dentist. Yehey!!!
Gentleness is powerful. Gentleness heals!

Do you have fears, too?

What are your fears?

Maybe you’re afraid of dogs or cats or spiders or chickens or horses or staplers.

Others may see your fears as funny or irrational.

But to you, it’s real. Just like my fear of the dentist.

I feel you.

One thing I learned from Aundi Kolber, an author and therapist, is to try softer (instead of trying harder).

Trying softer means being gentle with yourself.

You take little steps to face your fears, but you’re not pushing yourself too hard.

You know your threshold.

The next time you are faced with something challenging, instead of trying harder, try softer.

Now let’s talk about how to deal with bashers.

My La vie en rose newsletter last week generated different reactions and email replies.
A lot were inspired, happy, and grateful.

But I also received a few hateful email replies.

I was called a hypocrite, self righteous, a big turnoff, someone who is full of anger and hatred, plus many other things.

When I read those email replies, all I felt for the senders was compassion.

I was surprised I didn’t feel any hatred nor anger nor annoyance.

I saw little children in them who were so afraid, insecure, bitter, and angry.
I replied in the most loving way possible and I sincerely wished them well.

At the same time, I also shared credible sources to refute the fake news they shared with me.

Maybe that is what my Presidential candidate Leni Robredo says, “Mas radikal ang magmahal.” (It’s more radical to love).

That it’s possible to be calm, loving, and at the same time, call out and correct misinformation and fake news.

That it’s possible to make a stand and be firm and kind at the same time.

It’s really challenging to be patient and kind these days. But it’s doable.

3 things helped (and continue to help) me:

1. God’s grace.

I can’t explain God’s grace. It’s really grace.

That’s why I have nothing to boast.

Everything is grace. His grace is readily available to you and me.

2. Self compassion.

I was able to extend compassion to them because I’ve been very gentle and compassionate with myself.

Plus, I also understand that how people behave is not a reflection of me but a reflection of them.
I saw those ugly words hurled at me as projections of what they felt within.

3. An excellent role model.

I love how this woman and leader I admire handles trolls and bashers.

She was called dumb, stupid, and all sorts of names by trolls and bashers and she’s been a victim of fake news since 2016.

Yet, she’s unfazed. She remains cool, composed, and kind.

And she continues to work diligently. She’s extremely industrious, caring, competent, honest, and inspiring!

She’s not afraid to make a stand. She’s so brave and her beauty radiates!

That’s why she has inspired millions of people to stand up and love radically.
She has inspired volunteerism from all sorts of backgrounds.

Thank you for being part of my TuesDate newsletter.

It’s a joy to write to you every Tuesday.

I hope this email brought a smile on your face.

Hope it inspired you!

By the way, in case you replied to my TuesDate and your email didn’t go through, apologies.

It’s a system error due to the volume of email replies we get for our TuesDate newsletters.

One option is to email us directly at seminarphilippines@gmail.com

If your friends want to join our TuesDate newsletters, simply tell them to go to https://shanacino.com/dreams

I wish you love, joy, and peace today and everyday! 🙂

Cheers,
Sha

P.S.1. When I was in Boracay in October 2021, I discovered a great singer, a chef. I got his number and told him we’ll do a collaboration soon!

Guess what?! We’re ready to share with you our first collaboration! Here’s our rendition of the hit duet love song Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang?

Some people who watched this music video teased me and thought he’s the one. Don’t worry there’s nothing romantic going on between the two of us. We’re just singing friends. Hahaha!

Enjoy!!! 🙂

P.S.2. Want to take a breather, celebrate your wins, and count your blessings? Join us on Wednesday as we launch the Gratitude Pink Fest.